Sure, the holiday season is the most wonderful time of the year and all, but that doesn't necessarily mean that spirits are always merry and bright.
In fact, when you consider crowded malls, visiting relatives, holiday parties and all those presents to buy, it's not all fa, la, la, la's. Instead, Christmas can occasionally be, well, a bit bah humbug, which is why these Christmas jokes are just what you need.
From cringey dad jokes and knock-knocks to corny one-liners on Santa Claus, elves, reindeer, snowmen and just about everything else related to the season, this collection of funny gags is guaranteed to stuff your stocking full of every kind of wisecrack you're looking for this Christmas.
For example, did you ever wonder where gingerbread men sleep? On cookie sheets, naturally.
How about this: What do they call snowmen in Hawaii? Water.
OK, one more: Why did the Little Drummer Boy put his drum to bed early? It was beat, of course.
We see you — you're the one laughing in spite of yourself. And that's the whole point of these silly Christmas jokes. Good news: there's plenty more ahead.
So, settle in and prepare to ho, ho, ho, right through Christmas and into the new year.
Best Christmas Jokes
- Why did Santa go to the podiatrist? He had mistletoes.
- What do you call a snowman who works out? An ab-dominal snowman.
- Why don't Santa's elves like to share? They're elfish.
- What kind of bug hates Christmas? A bah humbug.
- When is a boat just like snow? When it's adrift.
- What do you give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want.
- What do you call a snowman on the move? A snowmobile.
- What did the Christmas card say to the stamp? “Stick with me and together we'll go places.”
- How do Santa's elves get around the North Pole? They ride icicles.
- How does Santa avoid getting sick before Christmas? He uses hand Santa-tizer.
- Why did the pony miss singing at the Christmas concert? It was a little horse.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- What do snowmen wear to work? Snowsuits.
- What does Santa use to settle his stomach? Orna-mints.
- What do they call snowmen in Hawaii? Water.
- Why did the woman wear one boot and one shoe? She heard there was a 50-percent chance of snow.
- Why did Rudolph get braces? Because he had buck teeth.
- Why did the snowman get a saxophone? He wanted to play cool jazz.
- Why did Santa Claus sign up for Instagram? He wanted to have online presents.
- How do Santa's elves get to work? They drive minivans.
- Did you hear Mrs. Claus got Santa a new refrigerator for Christmas? His face lights up every time he opens it.
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks? Santa Jaws.
Corny Christmas Jokes
- What do you call a fake Santa? A faux Claus.
- Why did the Little Drummer Boy put his drum to bed early? It was beat.
- What do gingerbread men use when they break their legs? Candy canes.
- How did Scrooge win the soccer game? The Ghost of Christmas passed.
- What do you call a snowman party? A Snow Ball.
- What's green, covered in tinsel and goes, "Ribbet, ribbet?" A mistle-toad.
- What song does Beyoncé like to perform during the holidays? "All the Jingle Ladies."
- What do reindeer use to decorate their antlers? Hornaments.
- What's Santa's favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
- What do elves learn in Kindergarten? The elfa-bet.
- Why does Santa go down the chimney instead of through the front door? Because it soots him.
- How do you hire Santa Claus? Put him on a ladder.
- How many Christmas trees can you plant in the ground? All of them.
- Why does The Grinch enjoy gardening? He’s got a green thumb.
Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids
- Why shouldn't you lend money to elves? They're always short.
- Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine, but went downhill fast.
- Why do snowmen live at the North Pole? Because it's cool.
- Why shouldn't you trust snowmen? They're always up to snow good.
- What did the ocean say when Santa flew over? Nothing. It just waved.
- What do you call Santa when he's on a break?A Santa pause.
- What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song? Fleece Navidad.
- Do snow globes ever get scared? No, but occasionally they get shaken.
- What did one Christmas tree say to the other? You need to lighten up.
- Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves? Dancer.
- What did one snowman say to the other? You smell carrots, too?
- Did you hear about the snowman prom? It was a snowball.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
- Where does Santa store his suit? In his Claus-et.
- Did you hear about the angry snowman? It had a meltdown.
- Who’s the snowman’s favorite rapper? Ice Cube.
- What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
- Did you hear about the anxious snowman? He needed to chill out.
- Where do gingerbread men sleep? On cookie sheets.
- Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They keeping dropping their needles.
- Why is Santa so good at karate? He’s got a black belt.
- Why do reindeer wear bells? Their horns don’t work.
- What did one of Santa’s helpers say to the other? Let’s take an elfie.
- What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter? Mary Christmas.
- Did you hear about Rudolph’s rollercoaster ride? He held on for deer life.
- What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I’m feelin’ pine.
Christmas Dad Jokes
- How do you wish a dog Merry Christmas? Feliz Navi-dog.
- What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Comet.
- Why does Santa use GPS? He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.
- What kind of salad do they serve at the North Pole? Iceberg lettuce.
- Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
- What did one angel say to the other? Halo there!
- Who says “Oh, oh, oh?” Santa Claus walking backward.
- What should you expect at the end of Christmas Day? The letter Y.
- Why do birds fly south for Christmas? It’s too far to walk.
- What did the salt say to the pepper on Christmas? Seasonings greetings!
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
- Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-olph.
- Where do reindeer go if they lose a tail? The retail store.
- What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
- What did Santa do when his sleigh broke down? He got it mistle-toed.
- What did the cop say when he a snowman stealing? Freeze!
- What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle-toast.
- How can you tell if a snowman doesn’t like you? He gives you the cold shoulder.
- What do you call festive ducks? Christmas quackers.
- What did one snowman say to the other? You’re cool.
- Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They have snowcaps.
- Where do you find reindeer? I dunno, depends on where you left them.
- What do you call a snowman with no arms or legs? A snowball.
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow one’s better than you are!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Sandy. Sandy who? Sandy Claus is coming to town.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are my favorite.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Coal. Coal who? Coal Santa, it’s Christmas.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana candy cane.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tree. Tree who? Tree wise men.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open the presents until Christmas.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more presents?
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery Merry Christmas to you!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Claus, duh!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Yule. Yule who? Yule never know.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee? Norma Lee we have ham on Christmas.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken you help me decorate the Christmas tree?
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle money for Christmas shopping.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Allie. Allie who? Allie want for Christmas is you.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys finally Christmas.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Barry. Barry who? Barry Christmas to you!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Icy. Icy who? Icy you.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Murray. Murray who? Murray Christmas to you!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you askin’ Santa for Christmas?
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? This is snow time for telling Christmas jokes.
Christmas Puns
- Why can’t you surprise reindeer? Because they’ve herd it all.
- Where do snowmen keep their money? In snowbanks.
- What’s the best Christmas gift to give? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.
- How do sheep greet each other around the holidays? Merry Christmas to ewe.
- What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.
- Why is it always cold on Christmas? Because it’s in Decem-burr.
- What did Santa say after returning to the North Pole? There’s snow place like home.
- What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? Wanna hang out?
- How did the snowman pay for his groceries? With cold cash.
- How does Jack Frost get to work? On a snowmobile.
- What did one snowman say to the other? Did you pick your nose?
- What did Santa say to the comedian? You sleigh me.
- How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents.
- Why did the snowman get detention? He was up to snow good.
- What do you call someone afraid of Santa? A Claus-trophic.
- What’s a cat’s favorite holiday song? “Here Comes Santa Claws.”
- What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I’m pining for you.
- Where do Christmas trees go to have fun? Tinseltown.
